MAUT SE KOI NAHI BACH SAKTA HAI ( NO ONE CAN SAVE THEMSELVES FROM DEATH)

This blog post is dedicated to Shahjahan Cheema and Shazia Farooq. May their souls rest in piece in jannah (inshallah).



Hi guys.  I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's probably been like 3 weeks since I last checked blogger. So I'm also sorry that I haven't visited anybody's blog lately. Believe it or not I actually have my reasons. A few weeks ago, my best friend ( let's call her Aish ) had been so pleased with life. She had her mom, her dad, an adorable little brother, and a nice older sister.
          She had anything she had wanted, and she was in great touch with her friends who lived a few states away from her, like me. After hearing about my aunt's death ( may she rest in piece in jannah, inshallah) she was really glad she had her family with her and never thought that she would have to face a death so soon. But little did Aish know, that wednsday, the last time I talked to her before her life would be turned upside down, would be a day that she would, sadly, always remember. You see Aish and I were up at 4 AM chatting with each other VIA facebook when we were supposed to be sleeping. Then, a few hours later Aish's dad had a heart attack. He had eaten sehri and done his fajr prayer. Then he told his wife that he wasn't feeling good at all. She told him to eat some medicine, but he refused to break his fast.
      And then he had a heart attack and died. Poor Aish was so sad and frustrated. No one had ever thought that this would have ever happened. It happened all of a sudden, just like my aunt's death. The saddest part is the fact that Aish's younger brother Aamir ( who is only in 1st grade) doesn't really know what happened. His mother and sisters told him that his dad was on a bussiness trip. The poor boy keeps planning what he is going to do when his dad comes back. So for the past few weeks I have been trying to comfort Aish.
    Then just this monday, there was an earthquake where I lived. It wasn't much of a big deal, just a 5.9, but it was still pretty scary. I was at the mall shopping for the first day of school and then all of a sudden, the whole entire mall just starts shaking. It was just too freaky. They even made us evacuate the mall.
    Now there is a hurricane headed my way.  Hurricane Irene. Officials are guessing that this is going to be a category 2 hurricane. I live in MD, and they have already forced a city over here, ocean city, to evacuate. I may be lucky inshallah, but I am more worried about my mamo who lives in New York, because the hurricane's target is New York. Its going to destroy a lot of the sky scrapers, and there is a chance of a 6-12 feet flooding. Now that may not seem that much to you, but that is a lot. AN average home in america's ceiling on the first floor is around 9 feet. so 3 feet more is a lot.
    So this is just a post to let you guys know that if I don't post in about 2 weeks, then that means that, god forbid, I have passed. If that is the case then please do pray for me to go to jannah.
    I have thought long about this, and I have decided to not add a joke, or a bollywood quote because this is a serious post.

NOTE : Aish and Aamir are not actual names. Aish is Aishwarya rai's nickname and Aamir is Aamir khan.

Psychiatrists, and Germans

Salaam, Namaste, aur Sasreakaal
Hey guys, so first off, Ramadan Kareem. Sorry I know it's kinda late but better late than never right ? Well anyway I wanted to thank you guys for not being mad at me. I really wanted to post as soon as possible but that took forever because we have a lot of people coming over to say their sorry's because of my late aunt ( may her soul rest in piece). But anyway I'm surprised that while i was off blogger, a lot of stuff happened. So I just wanted to say thank you to Hamza and Kiran for joining my site. It seriously means a lot to me. I also wanted to thank Beyond Timid, for the award. Thank you soooooooo much guys. 

Now on with the post. So around last week my mom took me to a psychiatrist, because my mom thought that
I have issues just for writing a suicide poem. Honestly I just wrote the poem because I wasn't really in the best of moods, and it was while writing the poem I realized there really wasn't much reason to live. I mean everyone lives and their happy and all, but during life they all have to suffer a little bit. I mean people work their butts of like in Pakistan those little 6 year olds, they work and clean just so their mom can eat, and even on a good day it's not enough for them. It just makes me want to cry and it makes me realize that if god wills I  could be like that poor boy ( god forbid) so if that can happen anytime, then why not I end my life before that happens. Then some sense knocked into me. Suicide is haram. So that really made me actually start thinking more about the world.
. . .  oh Whoops sorry about the rambling. I got off track as usual

Moving on

So the psychiatrist appointment. Well I didn't feel like telling the lady what I told you guys. Instead I felt like having a little fun in the non-naughty way. So my psychiatrist was apparently a German named Dr. Schmidt. The funny part  was, she was bald. Not because of cancer or hair fall out or anything like that. Because she wanted to. So she looked pretty funny. But anyway, when she asked me what was it that was bugging me, I told her psychiatrists.  Then before she could say anything i started going on and on about how psychiatrists are nothing but losers who rip everyone off and they are basically gossip hungry people who can't find any gossip so they just gossip around about their clients' personal lives, and how most of them are ugly losers. So I basically I kept on insulting psychiatrists and Dr.Schmidt just kept on getting more and more red in the face. I was like that's my problem. Well that and also Germans. You should have seen her face. 

She was more red than satan !!!!

So anyway once I finished, I asked her what kind of Doctor she was just to piss her off more. She said psychiatrist. Then I was like well, it's better than being a damn German who blows up jews.. She told me that she was a German. I started cracking up and I told her that that's why she's single, bald, and lonely. So then she threw me out of her office. At first my mom wasn't that happy with me. But then at dinner when I told my dad about it he started cracking up, and then my mom did, and pretty soon my brother had found out and he was guffawing for a LLLOOONNNGGG time. 

Electric Train

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."  The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."  Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."  As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Here's a funny video of akshay kumar as a psychiatrist in Bhool Bhulaiya. I love that guy, he's just too funny :)







OK  guys, I bid you farewell. But remember this guys. If you ever get in a fight with someone then just forgive and forget, because you are never sure if you will ever see them again. Aur anyway, as Sharukh Khan said in Dilwale Dulhania le jayenge, bade bade deshon me, aisi chhoti chhoti baate hoti rehti hain ;)

sorry

hiya guys sorry I didn't post earlier, and this post is just as a notice to let you guys know that I won't post for at least a week because my uncle is coming over with my little cousin shaan so I won't be aloud to touch anything electronic until they leave. very sorry and i promise to post as soon as they leave. truth be told I wasn't even notified until today. well see ya

T, M , K,

Ok, so those of you who have been reading my blog, know that I <3 Bollywood. So yesterday, my mom finally let me have the Bollywood movie marathon I have always wanted. I got to watch Bollywood movies for 24 hours straight, only stopping for necessary things like more popcorn, more soda, etc. I loved it, it was totally fun. I watched love stories like HUM DIL DE CHUKE SANAM , I HATE LUV STORIES, I watched sad movies like DEVDAS, and then I watched awesome movies, like FOOL 'N' FINAL, LUCK, ISHQ, & VIVAAH. But when it was time for the last movie, I decided to watch . . . TEES MAAR KHAN!!!!!!!!!!! I know, I know it has been out for a while now, but i never got the chance to watch the whole thing. When it first came out I only watched a little bit. But now that I saw the whole thing, I actually liked it. I know that it didn't do that well in the box office and it isn't as good as the other Farah Khan movies, like MAIN HOON NA, or OM SHANTI OM, but it was still funny.



For those of you who are trying to hide from trouble, try to be as sneaky as Tees Maar Khan, because as he once said : Tuwaiif ki izzat bachana, aur Tees Maar Khan ko kaad karna . . . baas dono hi bekaar hai ! :) Or if you want, you could go all Sharukh Khan and try to be like Don, kyon ki : Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi . . . namumkin hai :)

Sorry guys, this was a horrible post, but I honestly had nothing to talk about. How's this, if  I get 6 followers, then I will have a long, funny, and awesome blog post.

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

HARRY POTTER AND OTHER SHIZZ

So everyone has heard of THE HARRY POTTER series right ? Well yesterday I went to see it in the theaters in 3D. It was totally AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! The only problem was, that there were these REALLY loud, and REALLY obnoxious girls sitting behind us. They would keep on throwing popcorn just to see who would throw the farthest. They prob sound like 10 year olds, but I swear they were at least 17. I was like WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!Then finally my awesome cousin beyond timid( visit her blog THE ENIGMA'S HIDEOUT) threw popcorn at them, and they were like what the h*ll, who threw that popcorn, what b*tch would do that ? I started laughing really hard. So did the people behind us. I was really surprised that no one shushed us.  So yeah that totally made the whole Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows pt. 2 soooooo much better :)

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I decided to end each and everyone of my posts with at least 1 joke. It could be yo mama or, well anything. so if you want me to post a joke of a certain category, like animals, or lawyers, or marriage etc. then just comment and tell me. Here's today's joke:

yo mama so fat, when she eats rice crispies instead of them going snap crackle pop, they go oh crap, here she comes !!!
yo mama so fat, she needs cheat codes for wii fit
yo mama so ugly, she gives Freddy Krouger nightmare.
Yo mama so ugly, bob the builder took one look at her and said i can't fix that
sorry if your getting sick of Yo mama jokes. I promise I will post a diff type of joke next time. Until then . . . live, laugh, and joke, because as sharukh khan once said: Jeo, khush raho, muskurao. Kya patahai, shaid kal ho na ho ;)

FIRST BLOG POST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiya guys,

This is my first blog post so it might be a bit sucky. If it is, then please comment and tell me how I can make it better.  So first off, you might be wondering what's up with my blog's name. Well while making this blog I was watching the bollywood movie, Paying Guests, and then the actor Chunky Pandey (love that guy) came up and my little sister was showing me a book about panda's, thus a name was born. but enough about the name. I am a bollywood fanatic! So i most likely will have a lot of posts on latest Bollywood stuff. my favorite actor ever is Shahid Kapoor. Talk about hottie!!!!!!!!!!!  So well, to make this post less retarded here's one of my fav yo mama jokes, and one my cousin made up. try to decide which is which, and comment on which one you like the most:
yo mama's feet are so crispy they make walnut shells feel like cotton candy
yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her!!!
Sorry if they are lame, I'll have better ones in my next post